I was very rudely awakened this morning to my eldest two kids having a massive fight right outside my bedroom door.  It would have been over a lot sooner had Kieran just been quiet and carried on getting ready for school, but oh no, he has to have the last word.  This then results in his brother being tipped over the edge and him lashing out.  I really can't deal with such things so early in the morning, and to say I was relieved that Kieran eventually left the house for school is an understatement.

I've been repeating a kind of mantra to myself all day, "I will not smoke a cigarette," and so far it has worked.  I haven't had one all day.  Saying that though, it doesn't mean I don't want one.  I have once again made the decision to stop smoking.  The only reason I started again was because of the death of two much loved kittens, but that was a month ago now and I need to do this again.  For the past week or so I've had a horrible niggley pain in my left arm, right in the middle of my bicep.  It doesn't last very long only a couple of seconds or so but it's on and off all day.  Then today I started getting pains in my left boob again which literally made me stop whatever I was doing and clutch my chest.

These incidents, coupled with the anxiety that I suffer from are no good for my state of mind.  I can't help but think that I'm on the way out and I can somehow stop this if I stop smoking, so here I am again.

My mum thinks I might be going through early menopause.  I will definitely have to make myself an appointment with the doctors as I really cannot take much more of the hot flushes I've been getting everyday.  I hope it isn't though as I'm still only 32!

I'm going to dare to believe that my money situation will be sorted by Monday and I'm going to create my meal plan for next week.  I really am looking forward to being able to do a big shop and buy lots of lovely fresh veg.  I'm really looking forward to getting back into the kitchen as well.  Somehow cooking pizza, chips and beans doesn't compare to cooking a nice joint of roast beef with all the trimmings!